


the hidden hero (or: a princess' guide to enduring terrible theater without an iota of grace)

by astrogeny



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Femslash February 2019, Innes reveals his questionable taste by recommending a truly awful play to Tana and the twins, Pre-Canon, meta jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 14:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrogeny/pseuds/astrogeny
Summary: Politeness dictates that Eirika keep a genteel expression of mild interest, clapping at the right moments and occasionally giving a ladylike expression of emotion to show her engagement. Her good taste dictates that she bury her face in her hands until this farce finally ends.





	the hidden hero (or: a princess' guide to enduring terrible theater without an iota of grace)

**Author's Note:**

> one thing about eirika that i think a lot of people overlook is that she's actually got a great sense of humor--she can be quite sarcastic, when the mood strikes her, even if snarkiness isn't her default mode. i wanted to write something light and dialogue-heavy, rather than my usual navel-gazey nonsense, so it turned into eirika flexing her snark muscle with a side of having an Emotion for tana (the emotion is lesbianism) and shameless scenery-chewing about inane male power fantasy media. while l'arachel/eirika is my preferred pair, eirika and tana also have a really sweet, intimate dynamic that works well as platonic or romantic. i like to think eirika at least had a burgeoning crush on tana for a while, even if she couldn't quite put a name to her feelings. this is a possible genesis for that scenario, i guess? the twins and tana are still in their teens, here, so it's at least a few years before the start of the game.

With only a week left in Frelia, Eirika had eagerly accepted Tana's invitation to attend a theater in the bustling capital city--incognito, of course. Ephraim insisting he would come along as a chaperone had been a surprise, given his inability to stay awake through reading a formal letter, nevermind watching an entire play. The greater surprise, though, had been the play itself.

-

Eirika now wishes fervently for a timepiece of some sort--while it feels as though she's been subjected to this spectacle for hours and hours, it's likely only been about twenty minutes. The play is titled "The Hidden Hero", and from what she gathers so far, the plot (though calling it that is perhaps too generous) is as such: rather than five heroes and a Great Dragon, there were in fact six heroes and a Great Dragon who felled the Demon King of old. The sixth, the uninspiringly-named "Lord Wade", was sent from a fantastical other world by his dragon goddess mother, for vaguely-articulated reasons. He has thusfar won every battle he's fought, and every woman he's encountered. All of this has been conveyed with a truly spectacular degree of overacting.

Politeness dictates that Eirika keep a genteel expression of mild interest, clapping at the right moments and occasionally giving a ladylike expression of emotion to show her engagement. Her good taste dictates that she bury her face in her hands until this farce finally ends.

Onstage, Lord Wade has yet another beautiful princess in his arms. While the actress is a grown woman, Eirika is unsure how old the character is meant to be, as her hair is tied up in oddly girlish twinned horsetails.

"It isn't as if I love you, or any such foolishness!" The actress wails, turning her head so sharply that she nearly bludgeons Lord Wade in the face with her hair.

The murmured comment slips out of Eirika's mouth before she can stop herself, "I should hope you don't. Not when he already has half a dozen other women vying for his affections."

Beside her, Tana makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a snort of laughter. Mortification spikes through Eirika--this is _not_ how she should be conducting herself as a representative of Renais.

"I apologize, Tana--that was rude of me."

"Nonsense," Tana whispers back, her round cheeks dimpled with a mischievous smile. "I'm glad one of us was bold enough to say it. I'm just surprised it was you instead of Ephraim."

Eirika glances over at her twin, who has borne the play with surprisingly few complaints. Actually looking at him for more than half a second quickly reveals why.

"Well, seeing as he's fallen asleep, I had no choice but to be rude in his place, I suppose." Tana leans over, across Eirika's lap, to take a closer look. Her thick curls have a light fragrance that Eirika can't quite place, though she has no idea why that stands out to her amidst the sour smell of the theater.

"So he is! Gods, I don't believe I would have noticed if I hadn't seen his eyes were closed."

Any other time, in any other situation, Eirika would be irate at Ephraim for such a blatant lack of good comportment. Is she a hypocrite, then, for being amused instead? Part of her only wishes she had Ephraim's panache, to put herself out of her misery so boldly.

"He's improved his technique greatly since we were children," Eirika confides. And then, because it's Tana, merry, irreverent Tana, she adds, "If this play had dedicated itself to being a comedy on purpose, instead of by accident, it might have had a chance at holding Ephraim's attention."

"Eirika!" Tana squeals in scandalized delight, barely keeping her voice at a surreptitious level. "You are simply awful."

"At the risk of ruining relations between our countries forever, _this play_ is simply awful."

At this, Tana gives a dejected sigh, though the smile she still wears somewhat spoils the effect.

"No, you're quite right. I only brought you two because Innes recommended it so highly!"

"Ah," Eirika remarks, with a great deal of mock sageness. She's now entirely too emboldened by Tana's receptiveness to her terrible, unladylike behavior. "That explains a great deal."

"I took him at his word for you and Ephraim's sake, in the spirit of siblings who actually get along!" Tana protests, giddy at both their misbehavior and the slight against Innes. Giddiness bubbles through Eirika as well, making her head light and her smile foolish.

The play has still been soldiering on as they chatter, and a collection of truly horrific screams from the stage finally recaptures Eirika and Tana's attention. Lord Wade has apparently stumbled into the women's baths by pure, chivalrous happenstance, and is now bearing the limpid protests of the scantily-clad maidens.

"Did a man write this, by any chance?"

Tana unfolds the playbill, which has sat, crumpled and ignored, in her hand.

"Why, Eirika, however did you know?"

"I didn't--the portrayal of women's inner hearts is so very true to my own life, I thought the playwright must have been a woman as well." It's very unbecoming to laugh at one's own jokes, but Eirika can only keep up the false seriousness for so long before a giggle or two slips out.

"Why, look at this!" Tana exclaims. "The playwright's name is the same as our hero's--though it's spelled 'Wayde', instead."

"A coincidence, surely."

"Surely."

The worst and most wonderful thing about Tana is how much faster time seems to pass in her company. Normally, Eirika resents it--they go so long with nothing but letters between them, and Eirika is too old now to fantasize about a world where she and Ephraim can live under one roof with Tana and Lyon and all their friends. In this case, though, Tana's ability to be so wonderfully distracting is nothing short of a blessing. When the play finally limps to its climax (featuring Lord Wade gaining the powers of the Sacred Stones, complete with a flesh-colored suit meant to look like extra muscles), Eirika is almost sad to see the monstrosity end.

She and Tana tumble out of the booth and into the night, Ephraim still seated upright and asleep in his seat. It's terribly irresponsible of them, even dressed in nondescript clothes, but the heady joy of bad theater has them both emboldened.

"Oh, Lord Wade!" Tana cries, pantomiming a swoon into Eirika's arms. "Your pulsing muscles leave my maiden's heart weak!"

"What have I done to deserve being Lord Wade?" Eirika laughs. "We've been equally wicked tonight, punishing only me is unfair!"

"We are wicked," Tana agrees, "but we are also funny, so I hereby grant us clemency for our crimes. Now take me as your beloved bride, Lord Wade!"

Though she can barely speak straight for how hard she's giggling, Eirika accepts her fate as the illustrious Lord Wade. She deepens her voice to sound more like a pompous parody of Ephraim's.

"Certainly, my love--but are you meant to be Camille, Rosebud, or Saint Latona?"

"Yes," is Tana's noncommital answer. She really does fall into Eirika's arms this time, and Eirika dips her with a flourish.

"We're going to be rounded up for public drunkenness," Eirika murmurs.

"I do feel rather drunk," Tana replies, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Eirika's ear. Eirika's heart flips, but not with annoyance--usually, she hates it when anyone other than Ephraim or a lady in waiting touches her hair, perhaps because so many gentlemen have been so eager to do it as of late. When Tana's fingers trail down her cheek in a pastiche of the play's overblown love scenes, it sends something nameless and new running through Eirika's already-alight nerves.

She has to say something, she realizes, before the playful silence stales.

"Rest assured, fair lady, should darkness ever return to these lands, you are safe to drink yourself beneath the tables while I smite evil with the power of my vir--my virili--" Unable to finish saying something so lascivious, even in jest, Eirika breaks down into laughter once more. Tana follows suit, and it's there, guffawing in the grass, that Ephraim finally finds them.

"Eirika! Gods, I thought you'd been kidnapped. It's not like you to just go running off."

At the sight of her errant twin, Eirika at least attempts some composure, wiping a mirthful tear from the corner of her eye.

"Never fear, Brother--had Tana or I been in any danger, surely Lord Wade would have come to save us before you could even fetch your lance." Tana snorts inelegantly, Ephraim stares at them as if they've each grown an extra head.

"Who in the hell is Lord Wade?" Ephraim's question is in dead earnest, Eirika realizes, and for all his tactical know-how, he's just walked himself right into a trap.

"Lord Wade? The hero of the play that you just finished watching with nothing but the most rapt attention? Your tutors will be so proud to know you've finally taken an interest in the arts, Brother." Ephraim closes his eyes and exhales very slowly, knowing when he's been bested but hating to admit to it.

"Let's all agree that we had a merry, educational time instead of sneaking out to the theater and get back to the castle, alright?"

"Very well," Eirika agrees graciously. It's their way--if one of them has done something wrong, the other was likely involved, which leaves very little fodder for blackmail.

When she stands, she offers Tana her hand, and Tana holds it all the way back.


End file.
